Letter to the Editor

My name is Andrew Wright and I sing tenor with the Melbournaires Harmony Chorus.  After a show in the last week of November, I had a nasty fall in which I broke my hip.  Whilst incapacitated I wrote a poem about my experience.  I attended rehearsal last night and I read this poem to the chorus and they suggested that you may like to include it the magazine.
I'm not sure if it's appropriate for the magazine - the decision is entirely yours but if not then I hope you can at least enjoy the story yourself.
Regards
Andrew

(Hi Andrew, Very clever and amusing Ed.)
 

The Hipster – A Tale of Woe 

The Melbournaires and Adelines had sung their final tune

The concert had gone very well and we all felt some elation

And the audience was standing for our 17th ovation.

The curtain closed for the very last time and we filed off - stage right

A short walk to the dressing room, then home for Sunday night

I skipped along beside my pals in my usual bouncy way

And in the afterglow of a show well done I really felt quite gay

The trip back to the dressing room was very nearly ended

But a set of seven concrete steps had first to be ascended

I usually like to hold the rail when climbing up the stairs

But surrounded by so many chaps I didn't have such cares
 

We all went up the steps as one laughing on our way

Not realising in the least the price I soon would pay

For as I reached the final step my toe caught on the lip

And it seemed to me that time stood still as I began to trip

I floated through the air just like a sparrow on the wing

But landed on the ground more like an elephantine thing

The concrete wasn't very soft as I knew it wouldn't be

But it felt a darn sight harder when Doug Moody fell on me

Another person tripped on Doug, I don't know who it was

But all this weight on top of me was making me quite cross

I felt no pain immediately - just my dignity was damaged

But as people rushed to help me up the pain I felt was savage

I leant against a metal post feeling somewhat vexed

Whilst all around me folk were asking "What shall we do next?"

"Call an Ambo" someone cried, "No, No." My wife replied

"Take him to our motor car, it's parked just down the side
 

"If you can get him in the car I'll set off straight away

And if we move him just the once, we'll minimise the pain

I'll take him to the hospital which is not far from our place

I'll be able to visit frequently and avoid the rush-hour race

Now if we leave immediately I can have him there by four

And if I don't drive fast enough - well the morgue is just next door"

So with this plan all set in place I did feel some relief

But when they tried to help me walk I had to grit my teeth

John Howell was standing on my left, Will Hessler on my right

But there seemed to be a problem with the differences in height

With Johnny Howell at five foot one and Will at eight foot three

My right foot didn't reach the ground and the left side scraped my knee

A chair was brought and I sat down - this gave me some respite

And the plan was altered yet again to overcome my plight

That nice chap Michael Williamson accompanied by Will

Decided they could carry the chair if I would sit quite still

Since I am just a little chap weighing only sixty K
 

This seemed to be a clever plan which would get me on my way

With quite a lot of effort they heaved me from the ground

And strutted forth towards my car without the slightest sound

It was only 20 metres or maybe 30 to the car

And to me just floating in the air it didn't seem too far

The veins around their necks stood out their faces turned bright red

You'd think that little Andrew Wright was really made of lead

In record breaking time they finally got me to the car

Stopping only 14 times to take some R & R

With patient care and gentleness they placed me in my Honda

I thanked them for their kindness as my mind began to wander

I thought, 'The party's on tomorrow night and I'm in terrible pain

But if I take some Panadol I should be right as rain'

"We'll soon be off", my wife said as she came to close the door

"But you'd surely be more comfortable leaning back a little more"

She pulled the lever on the seat, I fell back at full pelt

The pain that then shot through me was the worst I'd ever felt

The screams and squeals of agony which then came from my mouth

Were heard at Seymour in the north and Frankston in the south

“So sorry, my Dear", she calmly said as my face turned ghostly grey

"I'll just do up your seat belt and we'll then be on our way"

So off we went to hospital to analyse my folly
 

Where my step sons helped me from the car and placed me on a trolley

After 13 analgesic shots the pain would not retreat

And the x-ray showed quite clearly I could not stand on my feet

"Bad news", the surgeon said to me, "You've smashed your hip in two

But we can fix you up quite soon 'cos we know what to do

We'll make a small incision in your leg - a metre long or so

Then with a cleaver and a meat-saw deep inside we'll go

We’ll chisel out the broken bits and fix you up quick-smart

And use some pure titanium to replace the damaged part

Then all we have to do is stitch the fleshy bits back together

We need to use some fencing wire or maybe thongs of leather

We’ll have to stitch you up real good so the bones don’t flop about

Then cover the wound with ducting tape to stop bits falling out”

I felt such comfort deep inside as these kind words he spoke

It’s clear this noted surgeon was a sentimental bloke

True to his word I had the op the very next afternoon
 

The pain reduced by more than half - to me this was a boon

A few days in the general ward and I was fit to leave

But walking with a Zimmer frame was all I could achieve

Then with some physiotherapy and some wifely TLC

I started to improve at home with my laptop and TV

Some of you came to my home to sing a song or two

It's nice to know that people care when one is feeling blue

I've had the time to write this tale in verse - as you can tell

And I've started writing a country song that's bound to go down well

There's no doubt in my mind that this new song will be a hit

And the title of this masterpiece - "My Achey Breaky Hip"
 

It's time to wind this story up but just before I do

There's one more thing I'd like to say to warn the folks like you

It's very clear that singing in a chorus is great fun

But I must implore you not to do the silly thing I've done

To finish now I have to say I never would have thought

That singing with the Melbournaires was such a dangerous sport.

ALW (C) Dec 2017